How could I possibly keep missing this?!
This is for the parent’s out there. Soo, if you aren’t a parent, this may not be of interest of you.
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Okay, parents, back to me and you!
There is something about parenting, motherhood specifically, that has made me believe that parenting is only for our children.
Spoiler alert: this notion is WRONG!
I mean, c’mon! Some of the crap that I say to my kids has me looking at myself crazy!
I’ll give you a few examples:
I “coach” my 12-year-old on the way she’s supposed to eat, yet, I suck at eating healthy myself.
I teach my 8-year-old how to accept and manage her emotions, yet, I realize that emotional management is a foreign language to me that I’ve recently been trying to learn and apply to my own life.
And the biggest one of all…
I teach both of my kids to accept and love themselves when at one point I didn’t even accept or love myself, fully.
THE DAY…
It wasn’t until very recently that I caught and saw “the gem.”
Honestly enough, I strangely believe that God was like “Oh my gosh, finally!!” when I caught on lol.
This is what happened… bear with me, as this is a very transparent and icky tell-tale story for me.
On this particular day, my 8-year-old daughter was feeling discouraged and questioned her self-worth due to her opinion that her older sister wore better clothes than her.
Of course this is furthest from the truth. My little girl just can’t seem to wrap her mind around the fact that not only is there a 4 years age gap between them, but a fashion difference as well. Trust me, the clothes I buy for her are just as cute though!
But, instead of automatically explaining this to her as I should have, I did something, that, as I now look back on, was counterproductive;
- I tried to change her.
- I unintentionally tried to get her to “match” or copy by looking for clothes that weren’t even age appropriate.
Luckily, my efforts were in vain, and the clothes were “trash.” (her words, not mine lol). We returned home empty handy, with her disappointed, and learned a very important lesson– the both of us!
That evening, I was filled with one of my well-known, inspiring rants that my girls are very familiar with.
Except, I was in for a treat of my own.
Without thinking too much (okay, maybe I thought about it a bit lol) I took out two, plastic red cups and filled both of them halfway with water.
I explained to my daughter that the first cup represented herself, and the second cup represented her sister (or any other girl she may ever come across that looks or dresses nicely).
I enacted her admiring a friend, sister, or stranger; their clothes, their looks, etc. by pouring a little water into the second cup. This pour (which came from a third cup) exemplified her giving out a compliment to that person. I wanted her to understand and visually see the changes that do and do not happen when you acknowledge someone.
For one, it is absolutely FREE to compliment someone. Secondly, complimenting someone doesn’t lessen you as a person. And this is what I explained to my daughter. Her level of water wasn’t decreased by boosting someone up or acknowledging their beauty, talents, clothes, or social media following. This is also what I (finally!) understood for myself!
All of this time I’ve been resenting other women when I feel less than compared to their beauty, intelligence, or more success. I mean, I’m already pretty awesome myself, but this didn’t stop me from questioning who I am as a person. However, this lesson with my daughter has stopped that unhealthy thought pattern right where it was– in the past! I vow to not do that anymore. I hope you’ll vow, too.
If we are present enough (and listen through the guidance of the Holy Spirit), we will, and can, and must, learn through parenting. Parenting will not only teach our children, but teach us some of the things we didn’t learn in the first place. It can also set us free and help us become a better version of ourselves for our children.
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