I Figured Out Why It Was So Hard to Love My Body

I’ve been looking at things all wrong.

Instead of praising God and appreciating my body for what it can (and is doing) now, I’ve been resenting my body for no longer doing what it used to do and moving as fluent as it did before.

At the tender age of 25, my body was at its prime. I physically jumped without second thought, and with ease. I wore whatever I wanted and got away with it. Okay, maybe I didn’t wear whatever I wanted, but when you lose 60lbs and can finally wear new clothes that you’ve never been able to wear before, let’s just say you feel on top of the world! I was no longer at war with myself the way that I was prior to the weight loss.

I’m now the tender age of 30, 30lbs heavier, and I feel the most out of shape of my life. I jump, still, but my body feels different and less fluent. If I had to describe how it feels it would be that of The Tin Man from the late movie, “The Wizard of Oz”. My body feels different. And this is something I’ve yet to acknowledge and come to terms with, until recently.

Here’s what I’ve acknowledged…

What my body did back then, was back then. Although it did some amazing things, those things aren’t that relevant anymore. Relishing too much in the past and trying to chase a number or a specific, past look, prevents me from enjoying my new, current body. I’ve had to tell myself that my body does some amazing things even now. I’ve just been too blind to see them or appreciate them.

This forever-aging body of mine is amazing, it helps me throughout every single day, it’s the home of my living soul, and it has bore three, wonderful children. Why should I continue to hate it or think it’s bad because it’s changing?? It’s not about it not doing everything it used to do at the same extent. My love and appreciation of my body is based on what it is now.

When I stopped loathing my body and trying super hard to make it “go back” to how it used to be, the relaxation within my body that I’m supposed to feel, as opposed to tension, stress, strife, and hate, has slowly come back into my life. And it feels GREAT and intended the way it’s supposed to be! I’m no longer chasing a feeling or burdening my body. I’m inviting, welcoming, encouraging, and supporting my body to simply “be”. That’s what I mean by “intended the way it’s supposed to be.” I’m allowing my body to be all that it is, while doing my best to be (and feel) my best. I’m much more happy this way.

I’m exercising in peace. I’m going my own pace and speed, instead of ignoring my body by forcing it to catch up to how I think it should be and perform. Whew, doing that was/is exhausting. Now, I continuously remind myself to meet my body where it is and be gentle with it. With this mindset, I know I’ll only grow physically stronger. No hatred or rush necessary. I know I’ll get there. Until then, I’m simply enjoying the ride. The ride of loving myself, being gentle, meeting my body where it is, and giving it a hug whenever it needs it, as many times as it’s needed. Life feels good this way, and I’m enjoying myself.